Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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