Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
