when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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