the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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