Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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