I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
