I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
