My friends, they love my intelligence
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
