i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
