Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
