After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
