Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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