You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
