i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
