You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
