I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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