we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
