I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize