My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
