Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
