The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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