Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
