I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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