Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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