This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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