I should be sponsored by Trojan
handjob tips. give me some.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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