chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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