You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
