Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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