I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He has the fingertips of a God
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