I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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