Dual....:-)
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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