Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
