she was so not down for the gang bang
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
