I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
