I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
