Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
