you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
