I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
