i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
