I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
