i permit you to call me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
