you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
