chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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