i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
