i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
