Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
