Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
