Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize