You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
