There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
