I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
