My room smells like vodka and shame
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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