I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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