so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
