i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
