she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
