all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
