Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
