Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
