Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
