Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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