She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
