Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
