I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
